did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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