i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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