hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
