What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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