marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
