Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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