I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize