I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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