Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
