I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
