goodnight i made you a song goodbye
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
