with your own penis?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
