Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
