So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
