The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
