So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
