I wish my penis had an off switch
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
