your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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