My entire life is one complicated drinking game
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
