do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
