Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
