I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
