i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
