I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
