I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
