did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
