I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
