i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
not ubering you a puppy
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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