A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
