i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
