It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
