At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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