I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
