Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
