Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
