An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
