I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
