Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We're too hungover to prance.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
