Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
