haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
