We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
you never un-have a 4some
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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