So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
