She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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