Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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