We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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