I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
