Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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