Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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