so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's rum buckets o'clock
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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