Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
