My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
