theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
