Got a toothbrush?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
