Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
