we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
