well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
