Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
