I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
