To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
