goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
