too bad you live with your parents still
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize