Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
