Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
