I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
