girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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