Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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