I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
