Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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