she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
