You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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