Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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