I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
