Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
