i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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