i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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