sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
