So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Damn victory sex feels great
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
