If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
