already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His hands were made for my vagina.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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