How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize