i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Come see our sink grown plant.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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