my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
