I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
