Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize