just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize