Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
