We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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