It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
