If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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