Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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