She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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