I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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