he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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